I spend a lot of time thinking. Probably too much time. A lot of it is spent remembering. Today is May 5th and other than it being Curtis’ birthday (one of the few birthdays I am capable of remembering) it is an anniversary of a day that is not remembered by anyone except me. Thirteen years ago I was confirmed at Christ Lutheran Church in Regina. And that feat—for those who don’t know—was two years of weekly classes, retreats and a host of other events. But it was also a lot more.
For all the time I have spent remembering, I rarely think about my early Christian self. Part of me doesn’t believe it ever happened anymore and part of me just doesn’t want to remember. Part of me is embarassed and other parts are sad. But in every way, those early experiences have everything to do with who I am today.
I was going to write out my entire Christian history, but it wasn’t that interesting. What I can say is that I don’t know what to do with Christianity anymore. What I mean is my thoughts are so far from where I started that it’s hard to keep that same definition of Christian. In some ways, I have changed but the term hasn’t. Or not enough, anyway.
I am not saying that I don’t have faith, but I am saying that I don’t know how to reconcile that faith with even the loosest definition of being a Christian. That being said, I won’t be going to the Unitarian church (sorry Adam), but—as always—it’s all still very confusing. Or perhaps I should say mystery.
5 Comments
Thanks for the Birthday kudos!!
No idea what you are rambling about in this post… hehe
I need to spend more time reflecting to figure out who I am…??? It’s a mystery to me…
cd
Curtis, I think you have a good handle on things. I could probably do better to be a bit more like you (but not too much!)—as in, enjoying life to the fullest.
I don’t know you or your beliefs well enough to suggest anything—Unitarian church or otherwise—but based on the vague info I’ve been able to glean from this blog and from talking to you on Twitter and such, it’s sounds like maybe finding a more liberal Christian church might be the answer (or at least a step toward the answer). For what it’s worth, if I was anything resembling a Christian, I’d probably attend one of the more liberal United Church congregations. You and I seem to be similar in some ways, so maybe that’s worth checking out?
Of course, it’s probably a lot more complicated than that, but, yeah…that’s my $0.02 I guess.
Well, it is and isn’t more complicated. You are basically entirely right. I mean, this was all (intentionally) sort of vague. The Lutheran church (ELCIC), though not as liberal as the United, is quite liberal. Traditional, but liberal (though it would really depend on the church you visited). But it holds very similar opinions with the United, Anglican and Presbyterian churches.
It is more complicated in the sense that there is a lot more story, but not complicated in that you are right on the money (even if it’s only 2 cents). I guess what I am really saying is that my thoughts are so liberal that it’s a stretch to remain under the definition of Christianity. That being said, I still find Christianity to be an acceptable vehicle to experience God and frankly I would find similar problems in any religion so I stick with Christianity because I know it best. But I wonder if it’s really fair to others to align myself with the tradition knowing how loosely my faith is actually based upon it. I think it probably is fair, but it is also somewhat self-alienating to have my feet both inside and outside the tent. But then again, I am all about paradoxes.
There’s a lot of different metaphors in there, but I hope that makes some sense.
Yeah, I think I understand what you’re saying and where you’re coming from.
Traditions are important. For some people, rituals are important, too. I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with continuing to act within the Christian tradition even if, for example, you view the entire thing as nothing more than a metaphor. If that’s where you find your spiritual home and your connection to God, I think that’s perfectly acceptable.
Others, particularly staunch Christians, may disagree, especially if you no longer feel like you can stand behind the Nicene Creed.