Teenagers are Fantastic

First, let me just say that I really struggled with a title for this post that didn’t seem completely inappropriate. I started with I Love Teenagers, but I thought that would go downhill fast.

I really enjoy teenagers. When I was a camp counselor the older kids were always my favourite. Frankly, if we (Leah and I) are going to have kids I wish we could just start at 13. Teenagers are just more interesting. I know most people think cute little kids are fun, but I am just not convinced. They are whiny, needy and constantly need attention. Basically, they are a lot like me. And who likes me? No one. Therefore, teenagers are the best. You can talk to them. Ignore them. Make fun of them. Whatever. It’s quite hard to pull off making fun of a five year old. It can be done, but you have to be very clever.

Which brings me to last night’s adventure. Leah and I went to Petcetera to buy some cat food and an automatic fish feeder. First, let me say, that I hate going to this specific Petcetera. It’s at the Northill mall. It’s always under-staffed (as most stores are in Calgary) and constantly a mess. But, I was shocked to find the store packed with employees. There were literally like 10 employees and they were all teens. Not that it made much of a difference because they were all standing in a circle talking about farts and other things that teens talk about. Luckily, last night, I knew what I wanted and didn’t need assistance.

We find the fish feeder and the food and go to pay. Well, by this time the pack of teens has morphed from a circle to a dancing orb that is playing tag all through the store. There was one responsible employee who came to help us. A nice young man, probably 16. First, he scanned my Petcetera card. Very good. By the book. Next he scans the fish feeder. His computer crashes. The great thing about this is that while he was looking at us, I was looking at the computer and it looked like it was possessed. It started randomly flashing through different menus, until it landed at the login screen.

Now, by this point, the teens were tired from their brief period of exercise and had reformed the circle. Our responsible teen called over a fellow in a red shirt. The rest were in blue. So he must have been important. This guy was probably 18. He logged back in and tried to re-scan the fish feeder. Same thing. The power of Christ compels you, the power of Christ compels you. Red shirt said You can have the fish feeder for free. Awesome.

Responsible teen logs back in, for the third time now (are you paying attention—I swear you have the attention span of a teenager). Scans one (of two) bags of food. Same error. Red shirt comes back over and who, at this point, is more interested in flirting with cute blonde teen. You can have the food for free. Even better.

Responsible teen tries to scan last bag of food. Red shirt is probably out back making out with cute blonde teen. He is no where to be found. Have you guessed what happens next? Responsible teen says Okay, it’s all free too. I said Are you sure? He nodded.

I walked out of the store with $90+ in merchandise. I was thinking that this can’t be a successful business model. Petcetera should hire me (and pay me a lot of money) and I could run that store and it would be a flagship of how all of their other stores should be run (however, it’s not like the bar has been set that high).

Teenagers. The world would be lost without them and I would be out $90.