I have tried searching my blog to see if I had written about this before.Â I couldn’t find any evidence that I had–and I find that really surprising, since I think about it a lot.Â What am I talking about?
Since leaving University, I have begun to shake off all the negative affects it had on me (there were many good as well, don’t worry).Â It is hard for me to sum everything up, but I can say that overall I had very poor methods of dealing with stress.Â Which, I think, lead to a very self-reflexive/self-absorbed mindset.Â I didn’t mean to guyz… I’m sorry!Â
I am not really embarassed at who I was because there isn’t much I can do now, except change.Â But, I suppose, I would have liked to have been different.Â And for being so self-aware I now realize that I wasn’t really aware at all.Â Or, letting go off that pseudo self-awareness or focus on who am I, what am I doing, etc, I think I see myself much more clearly when I am not thinking about myself (as much)–but Rhett how are you more aware of yourself without thinking about yourself???Â Don’t use your tricksy logic on me!
All of this, I have noticed, has directly influenced my writing/would-be writing.Â In English 252, I wrote my first short-story and I wrote a/in character.Â Every other poem/story I wrote after that was somehow, fairly directly based on something my life and in fact the character was always some version of myself.Â This is a fairly limited way to write if you have to wait till experience something in order to have a story.Â I have noticed, now that my stress is reduced and I don’t need to sleep 14 hours a day and play computer for the other 10, that I have begun to think in character again and it is good.