When my parents were here helping us put together the garden and the baseboards we worked hard. Really hard. I’m still kind of tired and it was too weeks ago hard. So during the evenings we watched movies, because one had the energy to do nothing else. The first and second night we rented Doubt and The Reader (both great films). The third night we went to see Stark Trek (also great, but in a different way). Well the fourth night we rented another movie. Not my choice. Not Leah’s choice. But my mom’s choice (you can see more about the work we did on her blog). She wanted to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
Generally, I probably would have never agreed to watch this film. But I just spent four intense days of manual labour and as you all know I am too pretty for such things. I was basically comatose and my parents were our guest so I didn’t make a stink. Mom (and surprisingly Dad) thought this was a good movie. It was awful. I mean, you think it’s going to be bad. But it was worse. Way worse. King of Queens bad. I shouldn’t know that. But you know what. That’s fine. It filled up a couple hours and I went to bed.
But here is where this goes from awful to I-just-stepped-in-cow-poop-and-then-licked-my-boot awful. I forgot to return it. For a week and a half, I forgot to return that damn movie. I’ve written about judgement before, but I can’t ever walk back into Rogers Video again. I’ll go into the store, pick out a really fantastic movie (something for which no one would ever dare question my impeccable taste in movies) and they will pull up my account and say—There’s a late charge on your account. You had Mall Cop… *snickering* for a week… *laughing* and a half *rolling on the floor laughing and probably peeing a little*. That will be $X and an extra $50 fee for your awful, awful taste in films.
Usually, I wouldn’t tolerate being judged by some hipster teen with an asymmetrical hair cut, but in this case they’d have every right. But I’m not ever going back. I’m not ready to face my prosecutors. Maybe I can send Leah in my stead.
Sometimes movies just strike a funny nerve in your body, I thought this movie was more than ok — even some snobbish movie critics thought this was an ok movie. I could say the same about movies you consider good (like Napoleon Dynamite) but not everyone reacts the same. The funniest movie of all time for me was the 1980 version of Flash Gordon — I roared through the whole thing, I was the only person in the theatre that even remotely appreciated it (your Mother witnessed my response and she was puzzled). Download that version Flash Gordon sometime — I bet you won’t make past the first 20 minutes.
Regardless of whether the movie was any good or not – $7 in late fees sucks!