On Saturday night, I attended/volunteered at Calgary’s MultiArts Variety Show. It was an interesting event with music, poetry/spoken word and video. Well, I arrived early because I was volunteering (even though it turned out I didn’t have anything to do). I knew a couple people, but not many, and not enough to have any sort of interesting conversation. The event took place at The Soda which is a small venue and so one such fellow as myself, standing alone, stood out. I decided to buy a beer to ease the burning loneliness in my soul. This is when I lost my chance at riches, fame and… pain.
The Soda contains an upstairs and a downstairs section. The upstairs is more of a balcony than a separate floor. On the bottom floor, the bar is underneath the balcony. I bought myself a Corona with a lime. Side story: The bartender said to me, hey, that’s a nice ring. I thanked her. She said, is it an engagement ring? No, no it’s a wedding ring. I wish I could have had an engagement ring. Lots of big diamonds, really shiny. Ah, well, I was with a guy for 4 years, even had his baby and I still didn’t get a ring. Me = 
but I recovered quickly and told her that maybe she should just buy herself a ring, for funzies. Don’t worry, my new guy is going to take care of me. Then she proceeded to jam the lime into the Corona with her dirty fingers and wipe of the lime-pulp with a swipe of her thumb. 
(I need to get more emoticons.)
Back to the story at hand. So, with my Corona, feeling a little less conspicuous, I was about to walk out from underneath the overhang, but the organizer of the event happens to walk over and she says something to me so I stop and talk to her. A second later, the waitress from upstairs accidentally drops a beer bottle off her tray and it misses me, literally, by an inch. Had the organizer not come by, I would have been smoked by that bottle.
Granted, it would have hurt a lot or knocked me out (killed me? I have a hard head, so probably not) I could have sued, for millions! I lost my chances to get all the rich stuff. Oh well, I’m not sure I wanted to be one of those people who sue.
Rhett,
You failed to mention that to me! Perhaps you were traumatized by your life nearly flashing before your eyes. Still, at least you were there to survey the scene, see faces that you’ll see again, etc., etc.
I guess I was one of the people that you couldn’t have in interesting conversation with, eh! Alas, the fault is my own (check email for official apology/excuses). Sorry for the burning loneliness . . . I think you can get a pill to take away the pain, but the side effects are pretty wild.
Peace and good grace and luck.
You’ll get you’re millions in ways that don’t measure.
Leif
I was referring to buying a drink prior to your arrival. I was there before 7. It was a long wait until 8. It’s not all about Leif!
.
These emotocons are weird. The con of emotions, the symbol of the con of my emotions
Revision: I forgot to mention this in the blog. But who asks a guy wearing a ring on his wedding finger if it’s an engagement ring? Are guys getting engagement rings now? If so, I was ripped off! The only circumstance I can imagine it is if I was gay. Now, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but who assumes someone is gay without even really talking to them? I guess I don’t really care one way or another, but it was a little off I think.
I was thinking about that scene in “Office Space” when Tom Smykowski finally gets hit by a car and ends up in a wheelchair. It was the happiest day of his life, mostly because it allowed him time to work on his Jump-To-Conclusions Mat.
That could have been you, with some sort of poetic equivalent.
I think she was hitting on you man. The question is too non-standard and you are too hot to pass up for a bartending mother at the Soda. Lord knows you’d make a great Daddy fo her chile!
Good thing you had the ring to save you!
So, what would you work on if you could stay at home? Some poem? Jello castle? Hourly blogs?
Hit and miss I’d say!
Leif:
I’ll leave the Jello to the Mormons. Blogs when they came and went. Maybe I would get JD into a kitty exercise program. I think poems would be a good start.
Tracy:
Soooooooooooo funny.