Fiddlesticks! I am sad and grumpy again. Maybe I move with the moon and as times goes I move through different cycles—from happy to content to moderate to mediocre to miserable. Well I am miserable. I think I might just go and eat some worms—yum, yum. First, I am tired. I can’t seem to get a good night sleep. Second, I am low and so I listen to the one Radiohead song I have on my computer at work and I just feel lower. Then I listen to the Boss and he’s pretty low too. Seems like everyone might be low. Then I look outside and I go for a walk and it’s beautiful and I wonder how it is that I can feel so low when it’s so beautiful. Well, Matt Good said it best, except for the being high part, well it’s too late tonight / and i’m sure you’re right / so low for how high.
What should I do? Just be happy? I went for a walk with Leif at lunch today. I told him my woes. He said man, you so crazy, you should not be so crazy all the time. Actually he didn’t say anything like that.
I have a problem. I am lazy. I want to change. I always talk about changing. I want to change faster. This is my problem—I am impatient and lazy. I want to change and I do change but, like the Tree Ent that I am, it takes a long time. How long have I been saying I will start writing regularly or get up earlier or work out or do anything other than the laziness that consumes my life. Now, I should defend Leah, because me talking about my life like this means that I am also talking about her life. But she’s an enabler. But what a beautiful enabler she is… :bye_tb: (I’m cuuute.)
The truth is that I enable her and she enables me and thus we are a very slothful pair—sometimes. Other times we get stuff done. And Leah is much less lazy than I am. I am sure she will let you know that.
Leif and I were discussing the possibility of using this blog as a place to create a certain sense of accountability because I cannot be trusted to accomplish anything by myself. It’s sort of like when you wake up in the morning and you try and play a game with the alarm clock. I will push snooze one more time, but that’s it alarm clock, you will not best me again!
You know how Oprah used her TV show to get skinny. Something like that. She had a reason to. Or even Rosie… errr :ponder_tb:.
What I am saying here is that I require the possibility of public shame in order to get my butt moving. A place where I will be honest and then you can chastise me for being so lazy. Some times guilt is a good thing. Or fear. I fear nothing more than people not liking me or thinking less of me. And so I plan to play a game of chicken with myself. Who will win? I think I will. The I that wants change. However, I have never faced myself in a death match before.
I haven’t completely decided to do this yet. I might though. I am not sure I am up for public chastising. Although I do think it might be a lot of fun, in a twisted sense.
What do you think? I should be asking you. Are you up for it?
I think the sharing of your dilemmas helps others to reflect on their own lives. We all like to poke fun at you, but I don’t think engaging in shaming you is healthy for me or for you. It pains me to think that your ability to ‘produce’ is how you gauge your self-worth. We live in a culture which values being the best, the most successful, the most creative, the wealthiest, the funniest, & the list goes on ……
In my work right now I’m learning how valuable are the people who are most dependent on others to care for them. I’m learning that my over-achieving ways are a great sham that I use to hide my hurts from the people who care most about me.
Let yourself be dependent on Leah & vice versa. Let the rest of us tell you how much you are loved & appreciated when life isn’t easy for you. Stop being so damn independent! (I believe this fine advice is the best birthday gift!)
With much love, the Silver Sage
Yes. I will keep you accountable, although I’d prefer to hit you with the hammer of accountability in real life. i hope you will do the same for me.
Leif
I understand what you are saying Mom. I agree and disagree with you. I agree and disagree because I think there is a certain misunderstanding at work here between where I am being sarcastic and where I am being serious. I am not worried or trying to be the best; however, I am trying to just do something.
Leif, you are a good friend. :drunk_tb:
my witty remarks/comments have not been making it onto the site??? any reasons??
cd
I don’t see anything in the comment spam folder. I don’t know where they are? I haven’t seen them. I don’t delete or moderate any comments unless they actually are spam.