This is a hilarious video that Connor posted. It’s a real video about the real change that a goat can bring to an impoverished family. For $20 you can buy someone a goat.

But this got me thinking about a back up plan. Everyone needs a back up. What if some serious shit goes down and you need to get out of the country? I don’t know what would happen that would require me to get out of the country, but I can imagine it. And since I can imagine it, there’s a probability it will happen.

For instance, yesterday I was thinking—I should buy one of those big jugs of water and keep it in the basement in case of an emergency. Maybe get some extra propane, candles and canned food. Just in case. And this is the stuff that fills a lot of my time. What if Calgary has a tornado? What if I rob a bank and need to fly to the other side of the world and hide out? If that happens, I am going to need a goat farm in India.

This is an investment opportunity

If I can buy a goat in India for $20, how much could a farm cost? $250? I mean, I don’t need anything big. Maybe a small barn and a pasture for grazing. And a house. Frankly, if I was on the lam(b) (I know sheep and goats aren’t the same, but whatever—it’s funny!), I think I’d live in a tent if I had to. However, if I did just rob a bank then I could probably do better than a tent.

All that being said, I would need to setup the farm before hand. Let’s just presume, that as a decent human being, I am not ever going to rob a bank (but the probability always exists). What if I just bought a goat farm, hired a local team of goat farmers and then shared the profits. Sure, you might be thinking if you studied postcolonial theory, that this is incredibly offensive. But even if you are some kind of postcolonial nutbar, you are a capitalist first. So get your act together. This is about the Benjamins (or Queen Elizabeth’s—I actually have no idea what’s on a Canadian hundred dollar bill because I’ve never seen one because I DON’T HAVE A GOAT FARM). Are you seeing the monetization potential and all probable synergies?

Think about synergies

Just think. If I own a goat farm and maybe you buy a goat farm next door. We could maximize our production team to manage both farms at the same time. Twice the work, half the pay. Now you are thinking like a business man (or woman—but you know, hopefully not). Not too mention that we’d have a greater genetic pool to spread amongst our goats. We could share bulls. Wait, that’s cows. What’s a male goat? Just looked it up—Billy Goat. We could share our Billys!

Finally, because we will have to check in on our farms, from time-to-time, we can split up those travel arrangements. I can go. Then you go. Then I go. Then you. It means more time with our families and our all the money we’re making from our respective goat farms. Presumably, I’ll be doing a bit better than you, but I’m supportive and don’t gloat often.

Get a goat farm now, before all the good ones are taken

The bleeding hearts out there are buying all the good goats. We need to act now and act fast. Get your goat farm today. Contact me for real estate and goat prices. I charge a 30% commission on all sales. And I call dibs on the best goat farm available.

Or maybe…

It’s Christmas (basically), buy someone a goat or donate

I don’t know that I personally recommend the above group. I don’t know anything about them. Could be a giant scam, for all I know. It’s just a funny song. I do, however, recommend uend (formerly ChristmasFuture) if you want to give to a charity that is empowering local people to change their own lives and communities with donations (not some a real colonial charity that makes decisions of what communities need from afar).