When I was a kid Klein’s Food Mart was our convenience store. I don’t think they exist anymore and I think they were local to Regina only. They had huge 63¢ slurpees. 2 chocolate bars for 99¢. And only a few minutes to get there on a bike. Oh, and of course, all the 5¢ candies that you could want.
Now, let me be upfront, I’m a writer and I don’t know anything about economics, but I think I understand the common principle that everything gets more expensive over time. What’s that word? I forget it. It’s like economic swelling. Inflation.
Yesterday, I had a little extra time to consider economic theory as I got gas at my local Husky station. I had the extra time because it’s a full-serve station and I was waiting around inside for the attendant to finish filling my car. Not only that, but there was a second employee inside the small shop that stared at me while I shuffled around the store. As I didn’t want to converse with the mouth-breather behind the counter, I began to review the prices of the candy and tried to look really interested in that so the mouth-breather wouldn’t talk to me.
Now that I am 27, I feel I am on the far side towards 30. Late 20s. Not mid 20s. And as I get closer to 30 the more I find myself saying things like: I remember you when you were… When I was a kid there was… In my day it only cost… And as I surveyed the prices at the Husky gas station and saw 2 chocolate bars for $3 I thought—It used to be 99¢. And this is when I learned of the candy conspiracy!
All the prices in the candy aisles went up. Inflation, they say. However, 5¢ candies—you know, blue whales, sour soothers, gummy worms, gummy bears, strawberries—are still 5¢. CONSPIRACY! Where is the inflation? How can it be possible that in 20 years inflation has not affected these delicious candies?
Well, after making this stunning discovery I started to wonder if any inflation was necessary at all. I started wondering what else has stayed the same. I started to wonder if women are actually the conspirators because… well, women just seem like the obvious group to blame for a candy conspiracy. Every time I offer Leah candy she says no. And then I paid for the gas and went home.
Oh, but before I paid for the gas, the mouth-breather offered to sell me bottled water so that I could get $1 off gas by paying $3 for the water. But I told the attendant that I have water at home and it comes out of the tap. And then the mouth-breather went on to explain that it’s all about up-selling and marketing and that they have to offer it to everyone. Then I had to explain how I was just joking and that I understand the concept of up-selling, but the mouth-breather didn’t understand so I had to draw a picture and act it out which then turned into a rousing game of charades mixed with Pictionary…
Lost story short, there is a candy conspiracy and I am onto you conspirators!
