Thomas King says—actually I think (I don’t have the book in front of me) Thomas King said someone else said—that if you want to change your life, change your story. Well that’s a good thought. It actually makes a lot of sense. And I really like the power attributed to stories—a power which stories deserve.

Back in my last year at the University of Regina, when I was briefly seeing a psychologist/counselor, he gave me a story that I never heard before. Being an English major I was way too knowledgeable about Freud and Freudian theory. I figured I would have to go in there and tell the good Doctor about my life—my trials and tribulations. However, the biggest problem was and what I felt the most guilty about is that I did not really have any big trials or tribulations. Yet I was still suffering from some pretty severe anxiety. Instead, he suggested that instead of trying to find the root—if such a root existed—we should just take a short cut and change the way I think. Or, you could say, change my story.

This past weekend my mom and Leah’s sister, Terah, came to visit us. On Saturday afternoon we drove out to Canmore/Kananaskis and went for a hike at the Grassi Lake Trail. We have pictures and I need to get them uploaded. It was amazing. Anyway, there were two trails up the mountain. One easy. One moderate. We chose the moderate going up. Which featured a natural staircase. This staircase, for some sections, happened to be on the side of a cliff. My mom would not say she is afraid of heights. She would say she has a fear of falling. While Leah, Terah and I formed a human wall so she could pass by, tricking her brain, believing there was no hope of falling I thought—I wonder if mom could just change her story, a story about being able to fly perhaps, and then she wouldn’t be afraid of falling. If it were only that easy. Or is it?

When I was at South Country Fair I had an epiphany. I have a lot of epiphanies but this was a good one. I turned to Leah and said Am I one of those people who complains about being bad, when I am actually pretty good? She said yes. I said I hate those people. This had honestly never occurred to me. I do have an ego, to an extent, but I have plenty of self-doubt as well. Generally, ego’s are to compensate for that doubt. Confidence should be the goal.

For a long time I have been telling myself that I am not an academic. I am probably smart enough, but that’s just not who I am. That’s been one of my stories. For a long time I have been wondering whether or not I am a writer. That’s one of my stories. For a long time I have been wondering if I am any good—at anything. That’s another story.

I need a new story. I need a story that says I am confident. Another story to say that I am smart and love education and it doesn’t make me anxious. I need a story to say I am a writer/poet and damn good, too.

I better start writing. It’s just that easy.