Je pense, donc je suis

Jul 31, 2007 By Rhett Soveran in Featured 2 Comments

Urinal, like the one in my office I guess I am feeling a little French today. First, I would like to apologize for the silence around here lately. We are busy at work and that means lots of overtime and not a lot of energy to post. But, it got me thinking about something. Do I exist?

In the next apartment building there is someone who owns a Jeep Cherokee, kind of like your old one Curt, with the license plate “I EXIST”. So, clearly, that guy exists. Usually when I am wearing my Rhett shirt or my new rhettoric shirt (from Tracy) I feel like I exist. But the rest of the time it seems like I am somewhere in between existing and not.

For instance, I often exist here, on this blog. But, the question to you is, how long would it take you to forget me?

Yesterday, I was standing at the urinal in the bathroom. I was also peeing. I don’t just stand at urinals. That would be weird. There I was. Peeing. Grunting, a little. That’s what real men do. I might have spit. I admired the weird booger collection that someone has decided to smear all over the walls. That’s actually really gross. Worth sharing, however. And the urinal, with laser censors and full body scanning capability and DNA testing and X-Ray and Blue-tooth for hand-free conversations, flushes before I am finished. Then it flushed about 8 times in a row, while I continued to pee. Which helped. Sounded like a waterfall. Remembering the sound just made me dribble a little bit. Going to have to change this underwear at lunch…

Then I walked away. It didn’t flush. After all those flushes. It didn’t flush when it was supposed to. Basically, the ultimate urinal censor couldn’t tell that I existed. When I walked away it didn’t know that I had been there.

It’s either that. Or it could tell that I had released something so vile into it’s porcelain dish that it had to give itself what could only be equal to a purging of biblical proportions.

Rene what should I do?

Ennuyeux

Jul 31, 2007 By Rhett Soveran in Asides 1 Comment

Michelangelo Antonioni known for his thrilling modern cinematic adventures, such as L’Aventure, has died today at the age of 95. I know specifically that Tracy will be saddened by this news.

Ouch! Tiger Barb Bit Me

Jul 29, 2007 By Rhett Soveran in Asides 1 Comment

Tiger Barb I have had an aquarium for many years. I probably got my first aquarium some time around grade 8 or maybe earlier and we always had an aquarium in the house. I got my big, 50 gallon aquarium in 2000. I have had all sorts of different types of fish and have taken care of it—aside from the last year it was in Regina when I moved to Calgary—that whole time. I have never had a fish come any where near my hand while I was cleaning the tank. Tonight, the fish seems really interested in my hand. A little too interested hand. I guess they never heard don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

I had a small cut on my index finger and there was some dead skin hanging off of it. That sounds kind of gross, but you wouldn’t have even noticed it. Anyways, the tiger barbs were circling my hand and then they started biting my hand. It didn’t hurt. They cleaned all the dead skin off. It tickled. Then they started to just bite my hand. It was something else. I deciphered from this that there were hungry. I don’t know why else they would have the guts to pull that off. So, I gave them extra brine shrimp tonight.

It was a win-win in the end. I got my wound cleaned and they got some extra Rhett-food.

Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones’ Bag

Jul 24, 2007 By Rhett Soveran in Affiliate 10 Comments

Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Henry: They’re trying to kill us!
Indiana Jones: I know, Dad!
Henry: This is a new experience for me.
Indiana Jones: It happens to me all the time.

My love for Indiana Jones started at a young age. I used to walk around reciting that creepy dudes line from Temple of Doom when he tears out the heart. Maybe I was/am a creepy kid. Anyways, last night I re-watched Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade from my box-set of the trilogy (although the fourth will be coming out next May—I can’t wait). This post is completely sparked by my continuing interest in Indy and how I can possibly be an adventurer like him in my daily, suburban life. Is this possible? Of course. All I need is to be able to dress like him. That will do it.

One time, many years ago, my friend had a bull whip and knew how to use it. I held out a styrofoam plate for him and he cracked it in half with the whip. The second time he did it, he hit my hand. Luckily, it didn’t crack it too hard. Otherwise, it would have tore my hand up. It just hurt, instead. So, I don’t want a bull whip. It would be cool. But, it’s not for me. It hurts. And frankly, there’s just not a lot of whipping or swinging I need to be doing in my day-to-day journeys.

I can’t walk around with a torn open shirt. This is Canada. I would freeze to death. Pants are just pants. My head is way too big for a hat. But the bag! Ah, yes. The perfect accoutrement for the urban explorer. I started doing some research.

One of the lesser known but more useful items carried by Indiana Jones was his shoulder bag. It consisted of a WWII “MkVII” British Gas Mask Bag with the cotton webbing strap replaced by a leather strap and metal buckle. (Source)

This started an ongoing fascination with a shoulder/messenger bag. When you want to find something you want to buy but don’t really know where to look, I go to eBay. I looked at mock Indy-bags. But they were canvas and sort of ugly really. I need something a little more regal, yet rugged.

The other thing you need to know about me is that I have, as of lately, been acquiring a variety of different leathers. Now, you should also know, that I am not interested in supporting the killing exotic animals. I am a omnivore. But, I won’t be buying a mink coat any time soon. However, I know am in possession of a kangaroo scrotum, a crocodile/alligator (can’t remember which one, Sara?) toe and the other day I accidentally bought a crocodile skin belt from eBay. It was second hand. So, I don’t think it counts as supporting the previously mentioned exotic animal pelt industry.

Which leads me to the finale. I have been watching a variety of messenger bags on eBay. One of which is a fellow who buys hand-made camel leather messenger bags from a fellow in India and re-sells them here. It seems it must be a lucrative deal for everyone involved. The fellow in India has access to the North American market, the American guy sells cool bags and makes a bit of money and I get a cool camel-leather bag. Now, it is my uneducated opinion that, even though camels seem exotic, I have a feeling that they are not. Thus justifying my camel leather bag.

Rhett Soveran’s new Messenger Bag There are many types and styles made. But, when I saw this particular auction on eBay, I knew this one was for me because the description read as… This is the bag Dr. Jones would show up to a meeting with. I thought—so true. And so, with seconds remaining, I set won the auction. It’s regal, yet rugged. It’s what the professor-side of Indiana Jones would use. I am excited to get it.

If you are interested in buying a leather messenger bag and want something a bit different check out this guys store: Far Horizon Traders.

Now it’s just a matter of time before I find my first adventure.

Ten Thousand Kinds of Awesome

Jul 24, 2007 By Rhett Soveran in Asides 1 Comment

I am not big on posting videos, but you have to see this. This is encapsulates everything that is amazing about the internet. I won’t even try to explain it. Except to say that what are you going to do with 999 men, 1 transsexual and nothing but time on your hands?

Who loves algorithms? Everyone, that’s who.

South Country Fair

Jul 23, 2007 By Rhett Soveran in Featured 4 Comments

South Country Fair 2007 This past weekend I read at the Lotus Land stage at the South Country Fair. It was a really interesting experience. We (Leah) did take a lot of pictures; however, I have apparently gone over what I can upload to Flickr with my free account so now I need to re-think Flickr or what I am going to do with all my pictures. I will figure it out soon.

The Fair Overall

Last year while listening to Sounds Like Canada in the summer with Jian Ghomeshi (incidentally I saw a “What Would Jian Do” group on Facebook this morning, very funny) one of his things (can’t think of a better word) was to find the “Ultimate Hippy”. Clearly, they never went to the South Country Fair. I think Leah and I were the preppiest people there. Ha! Well, maybe not. Frankly, I thought the hippies had been killed off in Alberta, run-out or socialized into oil barons. Who knew there were still any hippies left? Not I.

The music, overall, was really good. I have to say that I unfortunately did not directly hear a lot of it because I spent most of my time at the poetry stage. Oh Susanna (I would link to their website but it doesn’t seem to be working) was my favourite. Possibly because I heard/remember them being interviewed on CBC. They also played I’m On Fire by—you guessed it—the Boss. Awesome. And they just generally had a deadly sound.

I wanted to hear Luke Doucet and the Agnostic Mountain Gospel Choir, but I didn’t have a chance. I also didn’t have a program and couldn’t get one—they ran out—for the whole weekend so I never knew when anything was. Until next time, I guess. It would have been nice to have a program simply because it’s always nice to see my name and picture in a little booklet. I’m so vain. Sing a song about it why don’t ya.

Reading and Lotus Land

Lotus Land was definitely a spoken word stage. I also knew that’s what they wanted. I have, once again, come back to the idea that I am loud about things I shouldn’t be loud about and quiet about all the things I should be loud about. Let me start by saying that spoken word poetry, when done well, is great. I love it. I respect it. It’s just that when it’s done poorly… nothing can save it. Spoken word poetry (and the same could be said for poorly written poetry) should still be poetry, containing poetic devices and thought. That’s a little rude Rhett. I think about my spoken word poetry. Well maybe you should think about it a bit more.

My friend Kirk Ramdath was great and so was Sheri-D. Actually, I was really happy to hear Kirk’s stuff. I had only heard him read once briefly before. I knew that Sheri-D was good and she didn’t let me down.

Reading for 45 minutes worried me. But, with Thomas King and Tom Wayman—DUAL TOM POWER—inspiring me I could do no wrong. That’s not true. Leah pointed out a few weak moments. But, at least, when I first got off the stage she was very supportive. Actually, I tried to—as I always do—create a story. I also used a fair number of Soveran/Wayman poems. Tracy I almost read Throwing Hammers… but I couldn’t fit Failing to Wear Socks… in. I think I actually ended up reading for 55 minutes. I didn’t mean to go over. I usually wouldn’t. However, I was telling a story and it’s no good to cut off in the middle of the story. Plus, people were free to come and go as they pleased. It wasn’t like a regular reading. And it seemed to garner a good reaction. I think the crowd grew by the time I was done.

All-in-all it was a great weekend. A real pleasure for Leah and I. Oh, I should mention, as I mentioned this to Leah many times, that this was my only chance to have groupies. But, now that I am married that will never happen. I think there were at least four girls swooning by my booming baritone voice. :laugh_tb:

Bailing Bucket

Rhett is here to save you